If I Help Somebody, There’s Mercy for Me

Awesome homeless guy sign from holytaco.com

Pop quiz: what’s the difference between a homeless person panhandling for money and a hippie 20-something standing on the corner begging for some cause?

Answer: none.

Both wear dirty clothes, have unwashed hair, and can be too pushy. They’re both begging for money from someone they perceive as better off than they are, and if you tell them no, they’ll occasionally go above and beyond the call of duty to make you angry.

That said, I’d much rather give my money to a homeless person. They annoy me far less.

The “cause” kids can go die in a fire. The rules of (dis)engagement with them are the same as with the homeless, or anyone else for that matter: headphones in your ears, head down, don’t make eye contact, keep out of their path. However, the homeless don’t go out of their way to get your attention. For one, they are likely to be seated, beleaguered, next to a sign that can tell you, based on its level of desperation, how long the person has been homeless. If you don’t hear them, they don’t generally, for example, jump into your path and thrust out their cup.

They are also not asking for a $20 monthly payment. The homeless usually ask for change, which I admit amuses me given the relatively low value of American coin money, but add enough of it together and it still buys a sandwich or a bottle of booze or even a cheap place to spend the night. The cause kids want you to give up your bank information so they can run your “charitable donation” every month. Will I miss that $20 each month in the end? No, probably not. I’m not nearly that desperate. But it’s a lot more of a hardship for me than dropping a couple quarters or a dollar into a sad woman’s cup.

I am a filthy liberal, it’s true, and I have the attendant guilt about a lot of things. I’ll cop to my relative lack of charitability being one of those things. I wish I gave more, and I probably could if I crunched my expenses. But you know what else I cop to? The fact that after all my expenses, I have enough to keep myself amused, and not much more, and no amount of pressuring or cajoling is going to change that fact.

Ultimately, if it came down to a push and shove between the homeless and the cause kids, I’ll take the homeless for being generally more respectful and more openly crazy. If I tell them no, they move on. If I tell the cause kids no, they’ll do things like offer to walk me to the bank to check my balance.

You know what happens when you do something like that? You make me angry, and frustrate me, and turn me against you personally and all your peers.

I know what it’s like to have the actions of one affect the perception of all. As a cyclist, I know that pedestrians, drivers, and even other cyclists assume I’m an asshole with a serious disregard for traffic laws, safety, and in the worst case basic human decency. Am I an asshole? (Well… okay, fine.) But do I act with impunity and disdain towards the law and others? No. In fact, I do everything I can to encourage fellow feeling between cyclists and non-cyclists (especially the traffic cops, who could use all the support they can get).

That doesn’t really mean anything, though. Non-cyclists assume that I am their antagonist. Everyone on a bike is the same, for their intents and purposes. That means they occasionally lash out or cause trouble. That also means that I occasionally have to assume the posture of the asshole cyclist to defend myself. Do they recognize the difference? Of course not. So the cycle (no pun intended) repeats ad infinitum and I have to worry for my life every minute I’m on a city street.

That same principle is why I always assume the worst about the cause kids. If it just happened once in a while, okay, maybe they’re short of their quota and extra aggression is required. But over my time here, I’ve been on the receiving end of unwanted, forced attention from them too many times for my taste, so I assume they’re all going to do that, and act accordingly.

Is it possible that I’m wrong? Yes, it is. But I still get caught enough to make my actions justifiable, at least to myself.

The lesson here is that you’re not doing your cause any favors by being an asshole. If I can reasonably compare you unfavorably to panhandlers, I think it can safely be said that you are doin it rong.

I enjoy charity as much as the next guy. I understand the need for clean drinking water/malaria vaccines/money for gay rights. I support your positions. But when I tell you I don’t have the money, you should listen to me. Then, maybe next time, I will have it.

Just a thought.